What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
11.06.2025 03:27
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
How did it feel to take your first gay BBC?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She married twice! .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
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I never cut or harmed myself..
Especially a lifetime of it.
Who then, do I blame.?
So whats the point in blame.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He resisted the act ,that day.
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He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
One cannot live in the past .
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I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I waited trembling.
Is parental involvement in their daughters' marriages beneficial? Why or why not?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
How does an experienced gay/bi guy handle a bi-courius guy on his first time?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was 9 years of age.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Why is the show The Big Bang Theory so hated?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
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My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
So, i spoilt her more .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I couldn’t, believe it.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But it wasn’t much.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I don,t even have a pension.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I write beautiful poetry .
When she asked me how she looked .
We were not on the streets..
Im still living with it.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Would this be the day?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I could never make a relationship work though!
This is soul school!.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Comes on , in middle age.
(And it was in our own minds.)
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I will be 64.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Was to survive, this bastard.
He knew the spot.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I said to her
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She found it foreign!.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
All the time i was locked up.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I think the readers, may guess!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She was in good health!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
What did i know ?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I was seconnd youngest,
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And i lived it daily.
She loved him until the end.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I have no regrets .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I was very sick at this time too.
Why did i forgive my father ?
She wouldn,t have been !
Put me off passion for life!!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My life is so biszare .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
It was going to be , some day.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Ive learnt so much.
I was scared of men, in general
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
My family never makes their pension either.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
We all went to grammer schools
But, we were locked up after school.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.